A Purposeful Life

It’s been a funny old day. First I get told off by someone who has taken offence at the way I let my dog look at the cats she sees on our walks of an evening. She said that I was teasing the dog and making her bark. On reflection, she may be partly right. I don’t like to offend people so didn’t try too hard to justify myself. But how do you change the behaviour of a very assertive Border Terrier?

Fast forward to this evening. I go out with a swift prayer asking for His help, because there was definitely nothing I was going to be able to do if J got started. From the start, it was a different walk. We took a different route (J tends to set the route in the evening); she didn’t seem to be looking for cats; and we met the same lady again and I was able to say ‘Hello’ without seeming churlish or offended.

I’ve also come to the conclusion today that part of the road back to health, for me at least will be to develop a life that has purpose in it. Before I became ill, I worked full time in a job which, although professional was still under someone else’s control. But it did give meaning to the day because I was always doing something and being kept busy. Over the past few years, as soon as I started to improve health wise, I would go straightaway into something else and then, surprise, surprise, fall ill again.

At the moment, I feel I am searching for a way forward. I know I am much more cautious. I said before that I get times when I fight my own demons because I feel so useless sometimes. I am realising that I do need to do things that give me a sense of purpose. Writing is definitely one option. Calligraphy is another. Most of all, I need to start believing in myself and what I am capable of, because it’s more than I think.