Time and Priorities

It’s really amazing how time flies. You think of all you would like to do in a day or what you would like to accomplish in a week and the day just flies away and you end up not doing the things you would like.

Take today, for example. I went out at around 8.30am to do the shopping, go to the bank and to drop a card into a friend. It was 10.30am by the time I got back. By the time I had had a coffee and looked at my emails (and played a couple of game – let’s be honest here!) it was time for lunch. Then, after a cup of tea, it was off for a walk with my husband and our dog. This time we went to Firle and walked around the village and fields. Although windy, it was a lovely walk and beautiful scenery.

We were home by 2.35pm. Had another cup of tea and watched the synchronised diving finals, only to see Tom Daley and Peter Waterfield lose, which was a shame. I did some cross stitching during this TV watching and now I’m back on the computer and you think, ‘where has this day gone?’

I suppose it’s all a question of priorities and knowing what is the most important thing or things in your life. I’m not very good at setting goals, but let’s try for two. I’d like to get more exercise but need to get into it gradually. So, I intend to start doing Tai Chi. I have a DVD and book, so I can start from home.

For my second goal, I would like to get further into writing. I’m not sure which of my writing ideas I want to concentrate on, but let’s just say that for the next 4 weeks I will write for at least 30 minutes a day and see where it gets me.

A Purposeful Life

It’s been a funny old day. First I get told off by someone who has taken offence at the way I let my dog look at the cats she sees on our walks of an evening. She said that I was teasing the dog and making her bark. On reflection, she may be partly right. I don’t like to offend people so didn’t try too hard to justify myself. But how do you change the behaviour of a very assertive Border Terrier?

Fast forward to this evening. I go out with a swift prayer asking for His help, because there was definitely nothing I was going to be able to do if J got started. From the start, it was a different walk. We took a different route (J tends to set the route in the evening); she didn’t seem to be looking for cats; and we met the same lady again and I was able to say ‘Hello’ without seeming churlish or offended.

I’ve also come to the conclusion today that part of the road back to health, for me at least will be to develop a life that has purpose in it. Before I became ill, I worked full time in a job which, although professional was still under someone else’s control. But it did give meaning to the day because I was always doing something and being kept busy. Over the past few years, as soon as I started to improve health wise, I would go straightaway into something else and then, surprise, surprise, fall ill again.

At the moment, I feel I am searching for a way forward. I know I am much more cautious. I said before that I get times when I fight my own demons because I feel so useless sometimes. I am realising that I do need to do things that give me a sense of purpose. Writing is definitely one option. Calligraphy is another. Most of all, I need to start believing in myself and what I am capable of, because it’s more than I think.

A Little Agonising

Another scorcher of a day today. It’s so nice to see the sun – just a shame that it’s a bit of a shock to the system. Even my dear dog seems to have realised that it’s not the sort of weather to go out in after lunch – she can’t be a mad dog, evidently!! She came out with me to get the paper this morning, looking as if she did it every day, which, of course, she doesn’t.

This gave me the opportunity to finish off three cards that I needed to do. It involved some calligraphy and decoupage, which I enjoy. But I had to wrestle with my inner demons which tell me that it is a waste of time, that because I don’t have a job of work, I’m useless. And I tell them that this is my job now and to butt out. I just feel a bit confused at the moment, wanting to write and yet trying to balance my life so that I don’t fall into another patch of illness. I’ve come to the conclusion that I like to feel well.  God and my husband are the only two I need to please.

Hairy Thoughts

Another lovely hot day, coming as quite a shock to the system when there has been so many cool rainy days as we have had this year. Not that I don’t the rainy weather. I‘ve never seen the garden look as good as it has done this year, so green and lush with the amount of growth that some of the plants have shown.

Today I had my hair cut. It’s a regular 2 monthly thing and I do like my hairdresser. She gets my hair looking just right. But it’s a regular, quiet battle every time as to the length of the hair and fringe. It’s not just her but every hairdresser I’ve had for years. Apparently, if my hair is cut too short, it is going to stick up and I won’t like it; so I must trust them – that they know best. So it becomes a compromise.

I know that there are those that say, ‘well change your hairdresser then or do something different.’ Partly I don’t because if it does go wrong, it does take a time to grow back and partly because I don’t have the courage to do my own thing. Oh what a wimp I am!!

I’ve also been thinking today about how to pursue my writing. One way, of course is to do an entry for my blog, which is why I’m doing this. I have also been reading a very good book called The Writer’s Compass by Dodd. It does point out that the two main things needed are persistence and determination together with organisation. I despair a bit of, because organised I ain’t!! It also points out that it is not helpful to wait until someone answers the quest, ‘will I be good at this?’ If you don’t try, you won’t know.

I think a little more thinking and a bit more doing is necessary.

A Beautiful Day

What a beautiful day it has been - Wall to wall sunshine and clear blue skies, but not over hot. Paradoxically, it’s also been the day when Morrison’s car park was full with people going round and round at 10.00am; oh the joys of the school holidays. Fortunately, I managed to park outside the shop and so didn’t join in the fun.

This afternoon husband, dog and I went for a walk through Friston Forest, where the beech canopy of green kept us pleasantly cool. There is nothing quite like a walk through a forest, with the tall tree trunks with the multicoloured bark look more like wallpaper as you look around.

It’s been a while since I wrote on my blog. My apologies. I haven’t been 100%. I started aching in my joints; or rather burning and became quite stiff. When getting out of bed, I resembled a beached whale and at night, when getting up from the settee to go to bed I limped my way to the bathroom before my limbs decided that they would behave themselves.

At first, the doctor decided, following blood tests, that I had polymyalgia rheumatica. Apparently, I had signs of inflammation. He also referred me to a consultant to check that I didn’t have rheumatoid arthritis, as my twin sister is affected with this. When I finally saw the consultant, she advised me that I didn’t have polymyalgia rheumatica or rheumatoid arthritis; but she didn’t rule out fibromyalgia. But first, I have to come off the steroids that I have been on since the first diagnosis because they will mask my symptoms as everybody feels well on steroids. That I’m not disappointed about because I’ve been like a chipmunk on speed since I’ve been on them and it would be a great relief to my husband when I have stopped taking them – he thinks they make me very vile in temperament.

So, I’m currently down to 7.5mg of prednisolone and hopefully, will be off the tablets in 2 weeks. Then we shall see how things are. I still ache in my shoulders, elbows and behind my knees, but it is currently manageable.